As a Marriage, Family Therapist, Alexandra Katehakis has over ten years experience working with individuals and couples. She has worked extensively with both individuals in sexual recovery and couples in recovery from sexual addiction.  As a sex therapist she assists (heterosexual, gay and lesbian) individuals and couples struggling with lack of sexual desire, sexual boredom and communication difficulties.

Treatment of Compulsive Sexual Disorders

Sexual addiction is often characterized as a problem that involves any type of uncontrollable sexual activity that is secretive, shaming or abusive.  Addicts report that after they engage in these behaviors they often feel distressed and full of despair.  Denial causes the sex addict to ignore or minimize the problem, justify and/or rationalize the consequences, and/or blame others.  Often early childhood trauma lies at the root of the problem.

Treatment includes individual work with a therapist that focuses on stopping the painful and troublesome behaviors.  A comprehensive assessment period takes place whereby a full history of the patient is examined.  This includes: etiology of the problem, points of escalation, current stressors, family of origin issues, past trauma and current health concerns.  A complete diagnosis is then made and together with the therapist, clearly defined treatment plans and recommendations are discussed.  As part of this cognitive/behavioral, task-oriented approach, a sexual sobriety plan is constructed leading many to experience sexual abstinence for the first time in their lives.  By the end of thirty days on this plan, people often report a sense of well-being, relief from lying and leading a double life, a restored sense of dignity and hope for a future free of sexually compulsive behaviors.  Once 30 days of sexual sobriety is attained and maintained, group therapy is recommended.

Group therapy is acknowledged as the most effective form of treatment for sex addicts.  Group focuses on shame reduction, maintaining sexual sobriety through high levels of accountability, the value of honesty, being congruent in all areas of life, and expressing feelings.   In addiction, addicts become lonely, withdrawn and isolated.   Group therapy aids in creating intimate bonds by encouraging group members to have explicit conversations about their sexuality, body image, relationships, and life struggles.  In an environment that supports sexual sobriety, integrates, normalizes and celebrates eroticism, sexual health can unfold.

In the case of couples in recovery from sexual addiction, the betrayed partner often feels pain, anger and distrust while the partner responsible for the betrayal can exhibit shame and passivity.  There are usually years of built up pain and resentment causing an avoidance of intimacy and problems with sexual desire.  Couples facing recovery from sexual addiction have a better chance of staying married if they commit to a rigourous course of treatment both separately and together.  Issues such as safety, how to proceed during the first three to six months, sexual boundaries, concerns about children in the household, and lifestyle issues are addressed early on.  Additionally, resources are provided for both parties on where to get information and education to better understand the problem and begin the repair process. 

Over time, the couple will begin to address their concerns about being sexual with one another and be assisted in having explicit conversations about creating their ideal sex life.  Education and information about what healthy intimacy and healthy sexuality is will be provided to support their mutual vision for their future. 

Couples seeking couples therapy are often at a point of emotional gridlock and are usually looking for hope that they can restore themselves and the life they have built with one another.  People are often fearful and wary at this time and may doubt if they can risk choosing their partner and making themselves emotionally vulnerable.  Sex therapy addresses problems with arousal, genital functioning and differences in desire for sex all of which can have a couple feeling wounded and stuck. 

In therapy, the focus is on repairing the hurts and resentments of the past, family-of-origin traumas, and/or unresolved childhood issues all of which can shape a relationship and impact the couple. What is required in session is the willingness to confront oneself, to disclose the truth about thoughts and feelings, and to tolerate anxieties without expecting partner validation or soothing, and learning to soothe oneself.  All of this is in service of becoming more vulnerable in order to make a deep, satisfying, long-lasting connection with your partner.

As the therapy addresses these issues, co-dependent dynamics begin to shift and the couple moves out of a blame and shame cycle.  As each person develops a more solid sense of self and becomes clear about who they are, emotionally honest movement towards a healthy interdependency begins to form thereby creating integrity, self-esteem and sexual desire.  

Love addiction manifests in a person’s life when they become dependent on the object of their love.  Whereas sex addicts are addicted to arousal, love addicts are addicted to fantasy.  Their “addiction” can take the form of putting others needs before their own well-being, trying to control others so that they can get their needs met, often at the other's expense.  A key way to identify dependent love is how the person feels when the other shows disapproval.  In love addiction, when the love object threatens to leave, either physically or psychologically, behaviors tend to escalate.  Dependent love is always self-serving and a way to avoid looking more deeply at oneself. 

Treatment includes looking at obsessive tendencies and the addiction to fantasy as a way to avoid pain and past hurts.  Through an extensive sexual/relational history, pains of the past and traumatic relationships are identified and explored.  Boundary plans are constructed so as to make clear the persons and places that support and lead to destructive behaviors.  Healthy coping mechanisms are identified and put into place for support as well as learning essential self-care habits, how to self-soothe and stay in the present.  Core work is on the development of the self and learning how to have intimate connections with others while tolerating anxiety. 

Psychological Testing Services

Psychological testing services include administration, scoring, interpretation, report writing, and feedback sessions. Testing can illuminate personality structures, and help elucidate issues underlying sexual addiction and the coping strategies that perpetuate patterns of addictive behavior.

EMDR is an acronym for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a physiologically based therapy that allows the client to see disturbing material in a new and less distressing way. 

While EMDR is best known for treatment of post-traumatic stress reactions, it is also used to treat anxiety, depression, grief reactions, phobias, and self-esteem issues.  EMDR can alleviate performance anxiety and enhance an individual's functioning at work, in sports, and in the performing arts.

EMDR therapy uses "bilateral stimulation" (e.g., right/left eye movement, or tacile stimulation, or sound), which activates the brain's opposite hemispheres and releases emotional experiences "trapped" in the nervous system.  This assists the neurophysiological system -- the basis of the mind/body connection -- to free itself of blockages and reconnect itself.

For more information please see the EMDR website: http://www.emdr.com

310.335.0997

info@centerforhealthysex.com

315 South Beverly Drive, Suite 307

Beverly Hills, CA  90212